As the end of our military days come to a close...I'm having more and more anxiety attacks thinking about our life outside the military...all the relationship problems me and mike have endured during our civilian life makes me fearful of whats to come. Already mikes been invited to party's back home...don't get me wrong...its not that partying I'm worried about...drinking is fine and dandy...but before the military had us in its grips mike was a stoner...before i met him of course...but even still he did smoke very seldom when we got together and then had to quit once he left for boot camp..I'm so fearful he's going to go back to that old habit and that's just something i didn't stand for then and i def wont stand for now, especially with kids...and i love my husband but he's one that thinks that if he can get away with a lie..he's damn sure gonna try to. Another thing..I'm all for separate friends...but its so different from military life. In the military i know that every other military member that mike is friends with wont be smoking pot any where near him..or near themselves. That would get you jail time plus kicked out of the military. So having him say "hey baby I'm going to GI Joe's house for a few beers" that doesn't scare me...but i mean i like SOME of his friends...BUT alot of them just aren't where we are in life. Not saying everyone has to be where we are...but it def helps to have friends who can understand. A great example is Keri <3 shes got kids and she's a wife...she knows what it is like to be able to go to the bar and beat temptation. She understands what its like to have boundaries that are just oh we will break up..NO, WE WILL DIVORCE. YOU WILL LOSE EVERYTHING..YOUR KIDS, YOUR MARRIAGE, EVERYTHING. NONE of mikes friends even have kids, or are married..and like i said...its not that they have to be..but with military friends...i know that at least pot isn't an issues EVER. With civilian friends...theres not only the fear of them putting temptation in front of him...like girls, or places he knows he isn't allowed to go like strip clubs. But now its the Pot factor. I want to trust him...but lets be honest with ourselves...when you've got a few beers in you and a few friends egging you on...it can get hard to say no. I'm fortunate enough to have friends that when i drink around them...they don't egg me on to do shit that could jeopardize my relationship or family. But i just don't think mikes friends will have that same aspect on life...i mean they don't understand that we have kids, and i don't want my children ANYWHERE near drugs. Plus i mean...like i said not only is it my husband but alot of guys seem to think that if they can get away with a lie..they will try. That includes friends. Believe me...i know that theres a GUY CODE just like us ladies have that GIRLS CODE. And in that i would think alot of the rules are the same...if your girl tells you DON'T TELL you more then likely wont...We take things to our graves...so my guess is...so do the guys. Mike keeps trying to tell me he wont do it..but i mean most of his friends are known pot smokers..and wont care if you aren't doing it..and don't wanna be around it...they will simply think...then don't come...But of course mike thinks its not a big deal to be around it as long as he's not doing it...but how do i know that? He's gonna come home smelling like pot, and I'm sure gonna have a "contact buzz" but how do i know if he actually took a hit or not. Simply put...i want nothing to do with the stuff. I don't wanna smell it...i don't want it to smelt by my kids, and i def don't want it on my husbands clothes? But how can i tell him...don't hang out with your friends when ALL his friends do it? That's not fair of me...that's like him saying don't hang out with any of my friends who go to bars...well all my friends do go to bars. I just don't know what to do to solve this issue...i just hope we can keep the trust we've built over the years as strong..but for some reason i just know something is gonna happen to make that trust deteriorate.
Another thing is...ill be the first to admit it. I'M A JEALOUS WIFE. If i had it my way...mike wouldn't be friends with ANY females. Unless i personally know them, like them, and trust them. So naturally I'm fearful to go back to the state that he has spend the majority of the time cheating. His ex lives here in Maryland...and she's one of those " i don't think its so bad to basically straddle another guy, cause we are just friends" Well it is...and i just know mike isn't the kind of guy to be rude...he wouldn't stand up to her..for 1. She's his first love....2. She took his virginity...and 3. In his morbid mind...its OK to be BEST friends with your first love and the girl who took his virginity. Me not so much. Don't get me wrong...I'm friends with my exes...but i def wouldn't call us best friends..nor would i straddle them ever...especially in front of there wives, or girlfriends. I mean i know that if we were just walking in the mall, or down the street and she happen to pass us...he would have to stop and of course...be himself...which unfortunately when it comes to females...especially ones he's been intimate with..he's a flirt..If it were me...id keep walking and pretend to have not even have seen the bitch. But hey...like i said I'm a jealous wife..and i def don't wanna watch her skank ass straddle my husband and think that's model behavior. I'm so stressed cause i know the second he talks to her...I'm gonna get pissed...he knows how i feel about her. He knows i don't trust her..or him together. But he still just cant seem to let go. Trust me if i posted a blog about all the shit he's done towards me regarding her...you'd understand. but for the sake that Haylee is killing my ribs...i wont go into that much of detail. Either way...i don't wanna to go back to psycho Alishia...that would blow up my husbands phone if he didn't answer in fear that he's cheating or doing something he's no supposed to. I don't want to cause that, i want to live in Maryland and be happy. But i just know...sooner or later... its bound to happen. I just pray I'm not pregnant when it does so i can knock her out the second she goes to leap for him.
Wow that was alot to take in : ) . So I don't kneo you very well seeing how I only went to school with you in 9th grade. And then we barely talked. But when I read your stuff I feel like our lives are so simular. Both of out husbands where military, they both basically got kicked out. They gave us two weeks...we drove across country I was pregnant n driving with a 2 yr old is not fun. But that was lease of our problems. Anyways to this blog, it's very hard to have a relationship without trust. It's very hard exspecially when they have habits. My husband and girls aren't good together. So he isn't allowed to have friends that are girls. But at the same time I'm not allowed to have guy friends even If I have done nothing for him not to trust me. But it's something I took on when we were having trust issues. Maybe you guys need to compromise. That's what' a marriage is....and if he can't get over his ex and consider your feelings, then maybe he shouldnt be married. I'm sure he wouldn't like it if you were doing that to an ex. If guys would think bout how they felt if it happen to them, then we all wouldn't have this problem. GreeR! And the whole drug issue maybe you should encourage him to get a government job...NSA FBI etc and you shouldn't have a problem with that. It's hard to get in, but it's sure worth it. If you need someone to talk to since I can relate to you on alot of your issues. I have no problem helping.
ReplyDeleteI think one thing that should hopefully keep him away from pot, is how a lot of companies do random drug testing now...Also, he may have moved past that now that he has kids & a wife...There are no guarantees unfortunately, and you'll just have to wait & see...Hopefully having you & the kids will keep his head straight...Also, he might find he has less in common with his single friends now, and avoid them on his own...Single guy stuff doesn't seem as fun when you have responsibilites & such I guess...
ReplyDeleteAs far as being jealous goes, I hear ya on that...As a general rule, I don't trust girls...And I especially don't trust them around Ryan...I don't think he'd do anything, but still...Hopefully you don't have to deal with his ex for a while, or at all!!
Thank you girls for the advise...I dont trust girls around him...and i mean like i said...i trust him sober...but i mean anyone thats got a few drinks in them tend to do shit they could regret in the AM you know. Plus i mean for some reason alot of young girls...seem to think being with a married man is something they want...so of course...thats another fear. I just hope everything goes good and he stays out of trouble.
ReplyDeleteGood luck just try not to stress too much. For lil haylees sake. Dont forget I'm here if u need someone to talk to I remember how it was and it's always nice to have someone who understands to talk to.
ReplyDeleteThat's a lot to take in love, but I'm going to be here for you every second of the day. I love ya, and I'm sure everything will even out.
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