Everyday its something new....

So its been a few weeks since i posted a blog...my anxiety level being in my parents house is through the roof...it seems like everyday theres something new for my mom to bitch about, and frankly i dont know how much more i can take. Im trying to keep the peace but between, my mom, dad, and husband its a bit hard. Mike has his own way of doing shit, my mom has her own way of doing shit, and my dad has his own way of doing it. And then theres me, the peace maker...and in the end im the one getting the most heat. Sometimes i wish i could just walk out the door go somewhere and just hide for a week. If its not something mike has done to piss my mom off, its something bens done...if its not something either of them have done its something ive done...but in the end i have to hear about it and get upset cause its my mom bitching about my husband or son, or me. I wish i had the money to just move into my own place and excape the drama. Every morning when i open my eyes i wonder what my mom will find to bitch about today and how will it effect me by having to listen to it.

Its so fustrating that my parents are making us pay 100 bucks a week to stay here...they want us out in a year...and on top of that we have other bills to pay, plus trying to save money. I dont know how we will do it. Its been almost a month and right now we have 70 bucks in the bank..and after thursday it will be less then that. And it seems like even though we are paying 100 bucks a week we are also having to pay for shit that shouldnt really be added in...like cat food...had to go buy cat food. Mike gives me 50 bucks a week to last for the week thats supost to be for me, and me alone...but i always have to spend my money on shit for the house, like bread, catfood, and more then likely this week will also be detergent. Even though my parents are getting 100 bucks a week its more like 100+ a week. Everytime i turn around my mom is asking for me to pick up more shit...and i really dont have the money cause im down to my last 20 and its only monday...and most of my money has gone to feeding me and benjamin, or for shit for the house. If its like this id rather live in my own place where atleast i can determain the temp. in the house, i can choose to clean up on my terms, and i can enjoy watching my shows without anyones bitching or moaning....sometimes i want to escape.

This past weekend was the worst weekend so far here...my mom basically shot our relationship to hell. She came home drunk off her ass...which normally i dont mind..but this time was differant. She came home drunk...kept being loud and obnosious. She turned the light out on ben 3 times and made him scream and cry bloody murder (hes scared of the dark) So that pissed me off...then she got pissed cause i had rented 3 movies last weekend as in a week ago...and me and mike watched them when ben was with his other grandmother. We told my parents about them...they had ALL week to watch them...and my mom decided she wanted to watch them when i had told her earlier in the day that i had to take them back that night, that they were already late. So she started screaming that we should have told them we had movies...which we did...and when i was calming down ben in his room after he was so scared cause of my mother. She was telling my dad how she didnt understand how we had time to watch 3 movies when we have a 3yr old...and then she added in that "then again i always payed attention to my kids" So i basically over heard her telling my dad she thinks we are shitty parents...so i came out and confronted her and she acted like she did nothing wrong and that she was telling the truth. I got so upset i started to cry so i grabbed ben and took him out for a car ride cause i didnt want him around her being that drunk...and when we returned she was passed out in the living room. I had to lay down with ben in his bed til he actually fell asleep cause he was so scared she would turn out the light on him again. Since then...the tension in my house is so thick you would need a chainsaw to cut it. She hasnt appologied for what she did..or said...and i havent talked to her about it. All i know is im deeply hurt, and sadened by what she did and said...she said before we moved here she didnt want us to wind up hating each other...but she's pushing me away. At this point i dont know if our relationship can be repaired at this moment...i dont think she cares to repair it. Mike was pissed once i told him what had unfolded while he was asleep...so he took me and ben out the next day. I dont plan on asking my mom to watch ben for me anymore for any reason, now that i know how shitty of a parent she thinks i am...i just feel like i lost a best friend. It hurts to hear someone your so close to think so badly of you. I dont know what i did to upset her so. I mean since we have been back ive done everything she's asked...i do my own laundry, i pick up after myself, husband, and child. I do whatever she ask when she ask, like vacumming, doing the dishwasher, washing the pans, ext. But it seems like nothing seems to be enough...it truely feels like she is purposely pushing me away, and so far its worked. How do you vent to someone you always vent to when the venting is about them?